


Call the Doctor and Touch Wood

by AgentStannerShipper



Series: Kinktober 2018 [12]
Category: Kingsman (Movies)
Genre: Comic Con, Eggsy in a dress, Hand Jobs, M/M, john barrowman cameo, sex in public bathrooms, tequila doesn't know shit about doctor who
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-10-12
Updated: 2018-10-12
Packaged: 2019-07-29 23:32:27
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,489
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16274636
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/AgentStannerShipper/pseuds/AgentStannerShipper
Summary: Next time, Tequila's picking the cosplays. Not that things turned out so badly this time.





	Call the Doctor and Touch Wood

**Author's Note:**

> Day twelve was costumes/cosplays. Is this based on my own experiences at comic con? Yes in the sense that I have attended every panel referenced and also pretty much all the bits about John Barrowman. Shagging in the bathroom, less so. Hope you enjoy.
> 
> Still can't title. I swear, the hardest bit of Kinktober is having to title thirty-one different fics in as many days.

“I feel stupid,” Tequila complained. He tugged awkwardly at his braces.

Eggsy batted his hands away and readjusted the greatcoat over them. “You look great. You’ve got the shoulders to pull it off, and believe me, that’s a compliment.”

Tequila eyed Eggsy’s own attire. “Remind me why you get to wear that, and I’m stuck looking like an extra from Dunkirk?”

Eggsy smoothed down the skirt of his strapless dress and grinned. “Trust me, babe. It’d make sense if you watched the show.”

Tequila wasn’t completely oblivious. He knew what a Dalek was, if only because Eggsy loved _Doctor Who_ and Tequila made an effort to put at least a passing interest into anything Eggsy loved. He just thought the headband was a bit much. Or maybe it was the toilet plunger and egg beater Eggsy had tucked under his arm. The dress, gold and brown and with those puffy balls on the skirt, he had no complaints about.

“Alright,” he said indulgently. “Remind me who I am again?”

“Captain Jack Harkness.”

“Right. Doesn’t he get killed by the Daleks?”

“Yep.”

Tequila glanced back and forth between their outfits, eyebrows raised. “Should I be worried?”

Eggsy laughed. “Nah, babe, you’re immortal. Don’t worry about it.”

“If you say so.” Tequila glanced around. “Aren’t Merlin and Harry supposed to be meeting us? I thought this was Merlin’s idea?”

Eggsy scanned the crowd, Tequila following his gaze across a sea of comic book, anime, and other pop culture characters, until Eggsy’s face lit up. “That’s them over there.” He waved his plunger in the air, signalling them over. Tequila was shocked Eggsy had recognized them. For one thing, Merlin actually had hair.

“Looking sharp, Harry,” Eggsy said when they joined them.

Harry preened, straightening the lapels of his suit jacket, the whole ensemble bright blue and designed to look like the doors of the TARDIS. “Thank you, Eggsy. Your dress is lovely as well.”

“Who’re you supposed to be?” Tequila asked Merlin, too distracted by the mop of curly hair, hidden under something that looked a bit like a fedora, to meet his eyes.

Merlin threw a loop of the massive scarf around his neck over his shoulder. “I’m the Doctor.”

Tequila glanced at Eggsy, then back at Merlin. He raised his eyebrows questioningly. Merlin sighed. “The fourth Doctor. Played by Tom Baker. Well before the reboot.”

“Oh.”

Eggsy patted his shoulder. “It’s alright, babe.” He started to say something else, but then a cheer went up from the crowd, and Tequila saw the doors had been thrown open. Eggsy grabbed his hand. “Come on!”

Tequila followed indulgently, showing his wristband to the security officers at the door, and then they stepped into the massive convention hall. Tequila looked around curiously, Eggsy bouncing eagerly on the balls of his feet beside him. “So, what do you want to do first?” Tequila asked him.

Eggsy flushed. “Sorry. Cons always get me excited. Didn’t really get to go to them before Kingsman, you know? Wasn’t the sort of thing we could afford.”

“I know.” Tequila nudged him, and his smile was real. “So go on, baby. Where are we off to?”

Next to them, Merlin consulted his schedule. “None of the good panels start for a few hours. Might as well kill some time until then. Harry?”

“Whatever you want, darling.” Harry was busy posing for a couple of giggling girls in bowties and fezzes. “I am yours to command.”

Eggsy tugged on Tequila’s hand. “We’re gonna go check out the artists. Meet you back here for the Princess Bride reading?”

“Go on,” Merlin waved them off, allowing Harry to rope him into the picture too. “We’ll see you then.”

There were rows and rows of artists, and Tequila had to admit he was impressed with the quality of the work. _Doctor Who_ might not have been his thing, but he’d grown up on Captain America comics, and the sheer number of comic fans, all paying homage with their own unique twists and styles, made Tequila grin. Eggsy caught his eye and said, “Next time, you can pick the cosplays, yeah? Cap and Bucky, maybe?”

Tequila dropped a kiss on his head, right between the weird light-up salt-shaker looking things on his headband. “I’ll hold you to that, sweetheart.”

They paused as a girl in a wedding dress and a red wig stopped them, asking for a picture. Tequila didn’t mind posing, because Eggsy looked thrilled at the prospect.

They killed time in the artist’s section for a little longer, and then Eggsy nudged him in the direction of the panel room. Harry and Merlin were waiting for them outside, Merlin saying in exasperation, “If you make one more ‘bigger on the inside’ joke, I swear-“

Harry batted his eyes innocently. “But I thought you would like me taking an interest in your hobbies?”

Merlin’s groan was affectionate. “I didn’t mean you making themed innuendos at every possible opportunity.”

“Then you shouldn’t have suggested I dress up as a box that calls itself ‘Sexy’ when given the opportunity.”

“How is _that_ the episode you remember?”

Eggsy jumped in before Harry could respond. “Hey. We’re back.”

“Having fun?” Harry asked, his expression smug in response to Merlin’s more exasperated one.

“Loads,” Eggsy said happily. He snapped one of Tequila’s braces. “Our Captain Harkness here has gotten loads of compliments on his accent.”

Tequila rolled his eyes at Merlin’s laugh. “Yeah, make fun of the American accent. You show up to an event back in the states like that, you’re the ones whose accents will sound fake. Besides,” he added. “A lot more people were into Eggsy’s dress than they were into me.”

Eggsy pouted. “You say that like you’re not into it too.”

“Aw, baby, no.” Tequila tilted his chin up for a kiss. “You’re the prettiest walking toilet plunger I’ve ever seen.”

Eggsy hit him with the egg beater.

“Charming,” Merlin said dryly. “Are you two going to continue to flirt, or are we going to go get seats?”

“You’re one to talk,” Eggsy shot back, but he let Tequila wrap an arm around his waist and followed Merlin and Harry into the panel.

Tequila had to admit, he was enjoying himself. He liked _The Princess Bride_ , and hearing the script read in a variety of accents and impressions was hilarious. Nor did he mind when Merlin dragged them to the “gendering robots” panel, or the _Doctor Who_ companions panel. Eggsy had promised him all the comic-themed panels he wanted tomorrow, so Tequila was content to sit and listen to John Barrowman in a sparkly TARDIS dress make suggestive jokes at his former cast members and the audience. Tequila smirked when he noticed Harry and Merlin figuratively drooling in equal measure.

He didn’t even mind waiting with Eggsy next to the autograph line when Merlin and Harry went through it. They were too far away to really make out what was being said, but Tequila was pretty sure Barrowman had switched into a Scottish accent the moment he’d heard Merlin’s. He’d have to ask Eggsy about that one later. Barrowman laughed at something Harry said, and Merlin shot his husband a sharp look, smiled at the celebrity, and then roped his scarf around Harry and dragged him away, Barrowman wolf-whistling and calling something suggestive after them.

“What?” Harry said innocently as they joined Eggsy and Tequila. “I was simply complimenting him on his dress. We do match, after all.”

“You were flirting and you know it,” Merlin groused.

“Like you weren’t doing it too!” Harry countered. He didn’t seem particularly upset, nor particularly perturbed by the scarf still binding him to his husband. “We both know he’s your celebrity crush, darling, and that conversation about kilts wasn’t exactly innocent.”

Eggsy and Tequila traded looks, both fighting to hold back laughter. Merlin had the decency to look a bit chagrined, and Harry’s lips quirked up into a sly smile as he continued, “But, by all means, if you’d like me to make it up to you…”

Eggsy’s look shifted to one of horror, the type associated with hearing your parents making sexual comments at each other. Tequila resisted the urge to cover Eggsy’s ears and bit down hard on his lip to keep from laughing.

“Oh?” Merlin was saying.

Harry thumbed the front of Merlin’s jacket. “Why don’t you come aboard your TARDIS and find out if it actually is bigger on the inside?”

“Gross,” Eggsy gagged, and Merlin started, like he’d forgotten they were there.

He cleared his throat. “We’ll, uh…I think we’re going back to the hotel room. We’ll see you there later?”

“Leave a sock on the door,” Tequila suggested, amused. Harry winked at him, shameless, and then dragged Merlin away by his scarf.

Eggsy made another face and repeated, “Gross.”

Tequila chuckled. “They’re usually much better behaved in public.”

“It’s the cosplay,” Eggsy said gravely. “They take the roleplay way too seriously.”

“Shame,” Tequila said. “And here I was thinking you didn’t mind getting into character.”

Eggsy shot him a suspicious look, and Tequila continued, “But if you don’t want me to spend the rest of the con trying to get into your pants, I’m sure I can manage.”

Eggsy actually beamed at him. “You were paying attention?”

“You mean, do I know you picked out the universe’s slut for me to dress up as? Yeah, I did notice that.”

“Well, that wasn’t exactly my intention,” Eggsy admitted, a flush spreading across his cheeks. “But it doesn’t hurt.”

“Mmhm.” Tequila raised his eyebrows, drawing Eggsy close for a lingering kiss. He was aware some people were looking, and only hoped they’d obey the comic con rule of not taking pictures without permission. Into Eggsy’s ear, he whispered, “Is that a sonic laser or are you just happy to see me?”

“That’s not what it-“ Eggsy cut himself off. “You know what? Never mind.” He threw his arms around Tequila’s neck and kissed him again.

“Come on.” Tequila nudged him off, giving a little half wave to the people still looking at them, and now it was his turn to drag Eggsy through the con.

“Where are we going?”

Tequila pushed him towards the bathrooms, and Eggsy screeched to a halt, digging in his heels. “We’re not shagging in a comic con bathroom!” he hissed.

“You really want to go back to the hotel room? You know how Merlin and Harry are about closing doors.”

Eggsy winced, probably remembering one of the at least half dozen times he’d walked in on his mentors having sex somewhere in the Kingsman complex. “Yeah, alright. But if we get caught and kicked out, I’m blaming you.”

“I can live with that.” Tequila grinned, and this time he didn’t need to drag Eggsy into the bathroom.

Unlike the women’s room, which had a line that stretched partway down the hall, the men’s bathroom was completely empty, and Tequila pushed Eggsy into one of the stalls, bracketing him in so the greatcoat covered their bodies as Tequila stole a kiss from his lips. Eggsy moaned eagerly under him, dropping his props, hands sliding under the coat so he could claw at Tequila’s back with one less layer of fabric between them. Tequila trailed his hand up Eggsy’s thigh, pushing up under the skirt and delighting in the lack of briefs he found, instead meeting only the tiniest scrap of underwear holding Eggsy’s straining cock and balls.

The sound Eggsy made when Tequila wrapped a hand around him was absolutely beautiful, and Tequila smothered it with his lips. “Quiet,” he whispered. “We don’t want to get caught, remember?”

Eggsy nodded shakily, panting against Tequila’s mouth, and Tequila used his free hand to fumble a lube packet out of one of the many pockets of his coat. He withdrew from under Eggsy’s skirt to tear it open, grinning as he coated his fingers. “Good thing I did a character study.”

Eggsy bit back a laugh, fumbling Tequilas trousers open. “Shit,” he muttered. “Belt and braces. Fuck.”

“Your fault for dressing me.”

“Yeah, yeah.” Eggsy waved him off, finally freeing Tequila’s cock and taking the lube from him. He got his own hand slick and then gripped Tequila tight, fingers fluttering along the thick length. Tequila groaned low in his throat, bucking his hips into the touch, and then reached for Eggsy’s cock again.

Eggsy helped him push his skirt up, using his leg to nudge Tequila closer until they were pressed together, lacing their fingers around both of their cocks. Together, they found a rhythm, fighting to keep quiet as the bathroom door opened and then closed again. But they didn’t stop, Tequila forcing himself to bite back grunts as he fucked into the circle of their hands, his cock sliding against Eggsy’s smaller one, feeling an echoing pulse as they rutted together.

Whoever had come in left again, and Tequila groaned softly, “I’m close, baby.”

“Me too,” Eggsy panted. “Shit, babe.” He fumbled, letting go and letting Tequila close his hand over both their cocks, the grip suddenly much tighter to make up for it. Then Eggsy’s thumb was swiping over the slit of Tequila’s cock, digging in slightly, and Tequila let out a low moan and came into Eggsy’s cupped palm. He didn’t let go even after he was spent. He kept jerking Eggsy off, hissing softly at the sharp sensation against his softening cock, until Eggsy’s length twitched against his own and Eggsy came with a muffled groan.

They leaned against each other for a moment, breathing hard and grinning like fools. Then Eggsy wiped the cum off his hand with toilet paper and dropped it into the toilet. “Let’s go,” he murmured.

“You sure you want to leave?” Tequila teased.

Eggsy elbowed him. “The con will still be here tomorrow. Come on.”

“Allonsy,” Tequila joked, and Eggsy laughed.

“Shut up.”

They made it back to the hotel room with only a few requests for pictures and a few more turned heads. The door that connected their room to Harry and Merlin’s had been left open, and Tequila got a flash of Harry tied to the bed with Merlin’s enormous scarf, Merlin fucking him like an animal in rut, before Eggsy yelped loudly and slammed the door.

Tequila doubled over laughing, and Eggsy shot him a glare. “It’s not funny.”

“It’s a little funny.”

“You’re just begging not to get laid again tonight.”

The smile Tequila gave him was slow and sensual enough to make Eggsy shiver, the sort of grin that Jack Harkness – or John Barrowman, for that matter – would have been proud of. “Well,” he drawled, “I guess I’d better shut up then. I’d hate to miss out on making you see stars.”

Now it was Eggsy’s turn to double over laughing. “Oh my god, babe,” he gasped. “That was so bad, oh my god.”

Tequila shut him up with a kiss.


End file.
